Anyone Seen My Self-Esteem?

It’s amazing how many friends & family responded in times of emotional devastation I was facing. I could not have pulled it through in one piece without you guys supporting my back.

For that, I salute you all.

Truth is, I had a lot in mind to blog about. From how I’m feeling better after much support from everyone, to the amazing Gwen Stefani concert on Tuesday (21/8/2007) to how some so-called ‘friends’ start showing their true colours when you need them the most. But I guess I just wasn’t ready to move on from absorbing all this positive energy or moral support surrounding me.

After all, who doesn’t appreciate a sense of belonging and sympathy from people around you especially when you’re feeling low?

So far, I’ve yet to receive any offer through Clearing, but after much thought and advice from my beloved mom & people who care, I don’t really mind not going to UK or Aussie to study.

You see, all this while it’s been a big dream come true for me to receive a scholarship by MARA to do International Baccalaureate (IB) at Kolej MARA Banting. I knew from start to end what I wanted (to become a renowned Neurosurgeon), & how to achieve it all:

1) Good SPM grades
2) Perform in MARA interview & get scholarship
3) 2 years doing IB @ KMB
4) 5 years UK Medical Uni
5) 2 years internship + 3 years service with MARA
6) 5-6 years of postgraduate specialization studies (Surgery –> Neurosurgery)

Life has so far been an amazingly breezy journey, with steps (1) to (3) completed. I mean, getting 11As in my SPM, getting that MARA scholarship and doing the wholesome, internationally-but-not-so-locally recognized IB diploma was too much to ask for! I was step by step gaining speed towards achieving my childhood ambitions planned out so well.

But when I realized that life was never a smooth voyeur from start to end, I broke down in frustration. The waves were just too violent, the strong winds weren’t always there to sail my boat, and the heavy storms were too frightening for me to go on.

I was a mess.

Yet, sooner or later, I knew I can no longer run away from the harsh reality that we face. I had to learn to move on, and never let past wounds to come back and haunt me.

It’s good that we learn from our mistakes and not let history re-occur, but it’s foolish to totally submerge ourselves in self pity and wallowing as if life is a totally unfair game played by Gods on us humans.

Life goes on.

And so, I don’t mind if I don’t get any offers through Clearing to prestigious medical schools in UK/Australia, or if I don’t get the chance to fly abroad and enjoy an exhilarating experience of a lifetime. It doesn’t matter.

What matters most is to get that medical degree, no matter wherever it’s from. What’s more important is my postgraduate studies, where the real challenge lies in.

Besides, lately I’ve been finding more reasons not to leave my country - a few strings of budding friendship, an offer to model for a local mag (no kidding!), and even a blooming romance. But I’m not telling

So let’s all enjoy life like we should, and make the best out of our stay on Earth.

After all, when life gives you lemons, make some f*ckin’ lemonade, dude!

Sunday, 26/8/2007 (7:39PM)

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 26th, 2007 at 4:41 am and is filed under Writings of My Self-Esteem. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.