Anyone Seen My Self-Esteem?

Yes, you read me right - I have finally replaced my lost (but not forgotten) Motorola c380 handphone with this RM473 (ok ok, so I’m BROKE! I’d really appreciate it if some rich hottie would come to my aid and provide me never-ending supply of cash! Totally fictuous + in my dreams) handphone with the model [drum rolling....] Nokia 6610i.

"What?? I thought with drum rolling I’d expect something hi-tech, laden with features and Bluetooth gadget!" you whisper disappointedly to yourself. Whine all you want (even slap yourself silly for actually reading my blog enteries. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya). As for me? I’m just grateful I managed to collect some money to replace my phone. Kudos to my ultra cool uncle (I owe you big time Pak Ain) for acquiring infomation from his friend who sells cheap "underwater" (in other words, SONGLAP!) cell phones! Now I can do what other teenagers do in their past time - text message till my fingers go numb. Now, if only I spared some money to buy a top up card..

The Review?

Read more at http://asia.cnet.com/reviews/handphones/0,39001718,39019080p,00.htm

The now-content-with-a-phone one,

[aLiii_mCb]

"Life’s Simple Things"

Imagine the calmness coming over you just by seeing your baby niece after a hectic month at college, just as you reached home. The breeze of happiness you feel as you hold her in your arms, shower her with kisses, and touching her warm baby soft skin. The shot of laughter you experience when she makes weird faces (oh yes, my niece can do a Ziana Zain impression, and i’m NOT kidding! she’s so adorable! I’ll capture a pic if i can)

I can’t believe how relieving it is just seeing this baby, after the suffering obsession and hefty workload at college, going back home is the best thing that has ever happened to me so far. It’s really amazing how such a small wonder can spark immense happiness, joy, and tranquility. I guess it is the simple things in life that counts, not the complex ones like relationships (having a rocky relationship with my father - I cannot believe he said he wanted to "disown" me (!!!) over a silly misunderstanding! Hah! My FATHER said that to ME! What kinda biological father would say that to his son?? Self-centered, cold, insensitive moron. Now how’s that from a divorced-parents son facing the pressure of studying and self-discovery in college??) or ambitions and high aspirations. We often forget how these small things can take into account into how your day went. Like lending a helping hand to someone in need, or doing a good deed like helping an old lady crossing the road, or simply just being thankful of what God gave you- all these simple things can make a change in one’s mood. I’m ashamed that I myself admit of often forgetting these things. I submerge myself too deep in my personal life, that I forgot how it’s like to feel the pleasure of the simple things in life.

Life really shouldn’t be taken for granted. Make the best outta it, I say!

[aLiiii mCb]

wounded
my pride is bleeding
gushing warm blood
surging through my veins
pain so immense
my soul cries

wounded
my trust is fading
a friendship slowly faltering
without knowing
you are the blade
cutting my flesh

wounded
knocking me in the head
"wake up, you fool"
am i not so gullible?
telling you everything
have i no identity?
have i no privacy?
why am i revealing to you
things you’d never tell me?

wounded
exposing my cover
vulnerable to the truth
"straightness rules the world"
then came you, preaching
"to hell with straightness"
i wanted to believe
truly, madly, deeply,
but why this suffering?
but why this hovering guilt?
but why this pressure
bringing me down?
breaking me apart
into pieces?
why have you appeared?

wounded
will my scars heal?
"yes, but gradually"
so time speaks
"but forever engraved"
screams my conscience
thank you
as a reminder
to not be the clown
in the future
no more

sweet memories
etched in my mind
a friendship once strong
too bad
like you said
"good things never last"
amen
"words are prayers"
my grandmother taught
great
you got your wish

wounded
thank you scars
for concealing my hurt
pain
forgiven, you will be
but never forgotten..

Obsession

You give inspiration,

You cause me pain,

With you shines the sun,

Without you falls the rain.

You don’t notice

How long I stare,

You don’t give a damn

How much I care,

‘coz my desire for you,

Is like a flare,

it’s way too much

than I can bear.

The fault is mine,

            I hoped too much,

I just wish time

            Gives its healing touch,

To the wounds and scars

            With depths that haunts,

That serves as reminders,

            Not to succumb to love’s taunts,

So gullibly like I did,

            The moment I knew you,

I thought you could be “it”,

            After heartbreaks I’ve gone thru.

Now look what you’ve done,

            You’ve rendered me a fool.

I’m losing concentration

            I can’t keep my cool

Food feeling tasteless

            Days enveloped in gloom,

Long gone is my smile

            Depression making me blue,

I feel so pathetic

            I don’t know what to do

I’m overly obsessed

            All I think of is you.

I laugh, I cry,

            Deep inside I die,

I feel like my life          

            Is one big lie

I pretend that I

            Am someone I’m not

Masquerading a mask

            Concealing my thoughts

Honestly tell me

            Would you even spare

A seconds worth

            Living my despair?

Though you’ll never know,

            Though you’re taken,

I’ll cherish our friendship,

            I’ll deny my infatuation.

The obsessed one,

A friend..