Anyone Seen My Self-Esteem?

24/5/2005, 1:37 AM

Another day, another freakin’ problem, another emotional distress. Quite routine I know this sounds shitty, but I’ve never felt more lonelier in my 17 years, 2 months, and 17 days of life (CRAP!!) I really start to question my credibility of making good, satisfying conversation with friends (correction : I’ve ALWAYS questioned my lack of good communication skills) Who cares if sound better on computer, I suck talking in real life!Notwithstanding my bad communication skills, I could actually give credit to my listening skills (always look on the greener side of the grass I’m such a good listener that people asks if I’d ever contribute anything during conversations! Hah! Great, now let the whole world know that

What is wrong with me? I failed my 1st JPJ driving test (let the WHOLE world know! when will i ever learn to shuddup) EVENTHOUGH the instructor dozed off on the road! One petty, silly mistake causes him to be all "let’s fail this kid" and stuff. 13/20 (passing mark 16) He had the nerves to give me a full 5 minute lecture (he snored while I was driving for crying out loud!) This guy, who didn’t respond to any of my wishes ("Hope to acquire some of your wisdom" and "hello" being greated with stony silence- and why the heck did I smile and stayed SO FREAKIN nice??) , who slept all thru my driving on the road, had the guts to scold the smoothest rookie driver around? (ok so I may brag a bit, it’s called self-esteem boosting!! A thought bears in mind : "Is it worth being nice to people who don’t appreciate your kindness ? Is it wrong to be polite when the other’s all rude and shitty? Does a smile deserves to be carved on my face just to be forgotten and totally ignored by a big, grouchy snot??"

Ok, so I might be over reacting, whatever. I’m just a lil’ cranky cuz I need more people to talk to (I rephrase that, make it "chat with") to fill my deprived soul. (oh, the drama! It’s just weird that certain days I need extra, "invinsible" hands to reply to a bunch of online people chatting with me, and days like this I don’t even get a "Hi" or "How’s things lately?".  This so pisses me off that I just annoyed a "friend" (what term to use for this bleached hair lost soul? A manic clubber? A piercing idiot?) who keeps nagging me to follow him go clubbing (we just finished school, for crying out loud! haven’t we learn anything from those boring long years??) in ol’ Seremban (heaven forbids if this town’s that advance! to have a bowling alley is already a miracle I need to get my butt outta this town A.S.A.P!) Dude, if you’re reading, you may curse me whatever you want (at least "under aged kiddoes" like me still uphold Easter moral values and religion teachings my parents/teachers preached to me!) but if you didn’t know, you’re not the only one with a bad temper (I inherited it from my mom. SERIOUSLY! when she latches out, she flips completely! :-P) Hate this fuckin’ day..

But wait! Do I hear the bells ringing?? Opportunity knocks on my door ! A chance of a life time being an entrepreneur doing multi-network marketing! Luxor Network Sdn. Bhd. is the billion-dollared company, and boy am I glad my friend opened my eyes to such an irresistable big money-making career! (any one of u guys interested? contact me 24/7 I’m gonna give it my all, and hope in a few months, after sheer confidence and solid determination, and wholeheartedly effort, I’ll be generating an income I’d only dream of I can the the sun penetrating the cloudy skies again!!

As much as i hated the day, I gotta give it to the Almighty God, for blessing me with such opportunity and gave me barracades to overcome. I know that failure is only the beginning of success. Failure comes a step before victory Alhamdulillah, thank You , the Most Gracious and Most Merciful God of mine

God forgive me..

Oh dear

What a way to start my big day, boarding the train but forgot to bring the forms/documents! Changed the train and went back to the station near my apartment and retreived the papers. Then my friends all chickened out in the last minute leaving me all alone with strangers, who luckily I made friends with What a bunch of lovely people! So , from 9.30 am I waited till my turn around 1.30 with my group (more lovely people!) and gave my all , weirdly not in front of the judges a.k.a the Malaysian version of Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell, but to a bunch of TV crews. After everyone in my group performed, we were called to another room with another group, and only one was picked out of 20 people (NOT me!) and , with no explanation watsoever all the crew said was "Better luck next time", no comments, no whatever. The nerve!

The least they could give was what they were looking for in a contestant. So, masquarading with a fake smile on my (oh and my new friends’ faces) face, I went to feed my starving stomach. I prefer American Idol way much than Malaysian Idol.

Still, despite the dissapoinment, I’m going again next year I’m taking vocal lessons, so wish by next year I’ll be able to kick their asses! haha

next mishap, planned to watch a movie with a different set of friends (my ex-classmates, not the traitors or the new friends) but the tickets were sold out! Then , intending to go to a talent agency for an interview, took a taxi ride, who lied to me and my friend by charging $10 to the agency whilst if using the meter , would cost only $4. Never mind I said. So entering the agency, went to the 11th floor, just to find the door locked! Called the agent, he said they only worked half-day. Click.

well what can i say, sure the day sucked , yet I made new friends, rejoiced with my old school mates, rebonded with my long lost best friend, and got freebies! Quiting shall I not..

aLi Loves To Try
07-05-2005